However, its effect should not be underestimated. They bicker over the television and jockey for the front seat of the car. But the youngsters will look up to their older siblings, with whom they have a tight bond, for more informal life lessons, such as how to act among peers at school or in everyday life. After all, they spend plenty of time together playing and interacting more than with their parents. // Leaf Group Lifestyle, The Signs & Symptoms of Socialization Problems in Children. But if you kinda messed up things with your older one, think of your younger child as your second chance to get the whole parenting thing right! 44 S. 38th St. Camp Hill, PA 17011. Organizations like. The Canadian Institutes of Health Research and the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council funded the study. Older Sibling Helps in Casual Social Interactions, 3. Giving your children the gift of bilingualism can enrich their life. This doesn't mean parents shouldn't be honest, which is necessary in a parent-child relationship. Children who feel as if they are a burden to their older sister or brother will have a harder time coping with social situations as they get older. In fact, when one sibling is a smoker, the other is 25 percent more likely to smoke. Be aware that a neurotypically developing child needs your attention and love, and grab any moments you can to listen, share, have fun, problem solve, or just hang out. "There is ruggedness, a winking lack of complete seriousness or grimness, to a girl who grew up with brothers. Ever thought of your first child as a leader, teacher, or ever (very occasional) caregiver to your younger one? They want to look and act like them, and it will help them connect to their big brothers or sisters. It may be hard to live with an autistic sibling, but it's much harder to live with chaos or emotional turmoil. Russell Barkley. A positive outcome of older children taking care of younger children is having the opportunity to learn responsibility and time management skills. Sibling Bullying Effects and Consequences. There are alternative explanations for our findings. And must understand and attend to the need of each kid individually. Favored Child. And the results were consistent. (3 Reasons Why), Why Is My Baby Obsessed With My Hair? The researchers also examined whether siblings development of empathy differed as a result of age and gender differences between siblings (e.g., younger brother/older sister versus younger brother/older brother). An older sibling can be a helpful influence in any younger childs life in a variety of ways, such as helping with homework, teaching right versus wrong and aiding in the development of social skills. The effects of older siblings raising younger ones can lead to problems. According to the literature in both psychology and economics, older siblings have an influential effect on the development of younger siblings' cognitive abilities (Azmitia and Hesser, 1993, Maynard, 2002), and this effect is known to be heterogeneous across sexes in older siblings (Dai & Heckman, 2013). Verywell Health's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Is it easier to be the younger or the older sibling of a child with autism? They may have somatic complaints, fear the dark, and have sleep and eating disorders. In. Long-term effects of sexual abuse include excessive self-loathing, guilt, anxiety, confusion, difficulty with sustaining long-term intimate relationships, vulnerability to sexual re-victimization, suicide, delinquency or criminality, and promiscuity or fear of sex. I know this firsthand. Effects of Older Siblings on Younger Siblings. And although isolated studies have tried to pin down effects that younger siblings have on their older siblings, the influence of baby brothers and sisters remains elusive. Hence, older siblings can shape the social and emotional development and conflict management skills of younger ones. When families stay close, they are more likely to assume at least some responsibility for a child with autism as they grow up. My experience all falls under parentification. If money is going to provide services for the autistic child, little may be left for other children. Whether you like it or not, your older one will naturally be involved in your little ones development. Add autism into the mix, and ordinary family conflicts, challenges, strengths, and flexibility become a very big deal. A new longitudinal study looked at whether younger siblings also contribute to their older sisters' and brothers' empathy in early childhood, when empathic tendencies begin to develop. Survivor trauma accumulates Adverse Childhood Experiences, which are linked to codependency and negative health as adults. The achievement score is adjusted for the covariates (domain, grade, cohort, education of the father and of the mother, sex of the child, and number of younger siblings for the "Older" lines, and . Researchers studied an ethnically diverse group of 452 Canadian sibling pairs and their mothers who were part of the Kids, Families, and Places project and from a range of socioeconomic backgrounds. For example, they develop empathy and learn to act cool among their peers, but they can also take up smoking, use drugs and alcohol or become violent. Its often characterized by bullying. They even disagree over where to order dinner. Sometimes, sibling bullying is far worse. Parents are unable to manage their own emotions and model appropriate communication and behavior. 2022 Society for Research in Child Development, PRESS RELEASE / CHILD DEVELOPMENT: Embargoed for Release on February 20, 2018, The Development of Empathic Concern in Siblings: A Reciprocal Influence Model, Jessica Efstathiou, Senior Media Relations and Communications Associate, PRESS RELEASE / CHILD DEVELOPMENT: Embargoed for Release on February 28, 2023, Younger and Older Siblings Contribute Positively to Each Others Developing Empathy, What a wonderful day, Im so happy! Research Shows How Children Learn Emotion Labels Through Parents Speech, Parental Support for LGBTQ Youth is Important, Research Shows, Girl Toddlers Have Bigger Vocabularies, and Researchers Now Know Why [PRESS COVERAGE]. During infancy, older siblings influence the earlier onset of younger siblings' motor milestones (crawling and walking) [26], and in childhood, having siblings is associated with higher levels of . "The effects stayed the same for all children in the study with one exception: Younger brothers didn't contribute to . The effects stayed the same for all children in the study with one exception: Younger brothers didnt contribute to significant changes in older sisters empathy, Jambon notes. A rather powerful skill in later life, I would say. It includes rough and violent behavior, pinching, choking, biting, slapping, tickling, hair-pulling, physical restraint (such as pinning down), shoving), and may include weapons. The Development of Relational Aggression. Voila. "I always wanted a twin sister like Brandon and Brenda on 90210! Can Babies Manipulate Their Parents Into Doing Something? Unlike rivalry, the motive is to establish superiority or incite fear or distress. For example: Money may not buy love, but it can buy a great many things for a family living with autism. As a result, I didn't feel comfortable around people my own age because I felt like I had nothing in common with them. *** Fun fact: did you know siblings fight 7.5 times per hour on average? If the older sibling is involved with any of that, there is a high risk (like 25% likelihood) that the younger one will follow the same suit. In close relationships, younger siblings are equally prone to pick up positive and bad habits and traits from their older brothers or sisters. But when one child intentionally hurts or humiliates another, it should be addressed immediately. Age-Appropriate Chores for Kids: Getting Children to Help Around the House When Responsibility Becomes Too Much There's. Or, on the other hand, they may find it relatively easy to manage the situation because they have already established their own place in the family, school, and community. Parental normalization of abuse by ignoring or minimizing it. That is the reason I am willing to share how I overcame it. Parents have no support and are misinformed. Troubled Older Siblings Affect Younger Siblings. Sibling X is very sensitive and easily upset. This leads to increased verbal skills, motor skills, and bolstered creativity. The older sibling of a child with autism may be frustrated when parents' attention is pulled to a younger sibling with a disability. Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but theres every reason for them to open up emotionallyand their partners are helping. Hi Dorota, I like your articles. As a result, the child without autism may learn that challenges can be met and managed, and that adversity should not stand in the way of a full, loving life. While envy andsibling rivalryare normal, be sure that it does not get out of hand. For example, how to behave on a plane or at the supermarket or how to interact with family at dinner. An older child overseeing a younger sibling breeds to resentment, boundary confusion, and abuse of power. Specifically, the time involved in meeting the needs of a family member with autism may leave parents with little time for their . It is no longer a normal sibling behavior. When being forced to mature quickly, kids skip developmental stages, explains Sophie Chung, M.D., CEO of Qunomedical, a digital health platform based in Berlin, Germany that connects doctors and patients worldwide. If you suspect that your younger child is being bullied, you should either put him in child care or find an alternative solution. 2014;19(4):423434. Raising a child with autism places some extraordinary demands on parents as individuals and on the family as a whole. A study published in the February . These are factors that make sibling abuse more likely: [3]. The same goes for drinking, taking drugs, and anti-social behaviour. However, sibling rivalry, jealousy, and competition often harm their relationship and the whole family dynamics. Jenkins pointed out to Reuters that even though this compensating effect that considerate older siblings have is small, it's an influence that adds to . onstrated by older siblings' ability to buffer younger siblings from the negative effects of family turmoil. A good old row between siblings will also enhance negotiation skills, persuasion, the ability to fight for their point, and problem-solving! Sibling abuse is the most common but least reported abuse in the family. Hi Sharada, it is so true that both of your babies can look so very different it's hard to convince, Yes I had delivered my 2nd baby gal last month..I was in shock during delivery my babies ear were dam. Dr. Reslan agrees, adding that you can ask your child to set the table or watch their sibling for a set period of time whilst you're busy, without creating a habit out of it. Emotional abuse includes name calling, belittling, teasing, shaming, threats, intimidation, false accusations, provocation, and destroying a siblings belongings. Sherri Gordon, CLC is a published author, certified professional life coach, and bullying prevention expert. Poverty and autism can be an incredibly challenging mix. 2004. Sibling sexual abuse, like all forms of sexual abuse, is an abuse of power. By learning the difference between bullying and harmless sibling rivalry, you will be able to prevent future abuse. The older siblings turned up to be more influential than the parents on the younger siblings actions yet again. The. problem by estimating spillover effects from older to younger siblings, making the reasonable 2. assumption that only the former's college choice can inuence the latter's.2 Second, the "common shock problem" arises from the fact that peers tend to share characteristics or environments that Squabbles, jealousy, unwillingness to share, and competition are normal sibling behaviors. On the one hand, this may mean that they find it easier to manage the challenges that come along with having an autistic sibling. Parents are more involved in their adult children's lives these days, but estrangement is not uncommon. In this society, we'd expect to see a larger difference between a child with an older sister and the one with an older brother." And not only can culture determine a society's gender roles, it can also sway age-gap effects. Because the tighter the bond between siblings, the stronger the impact on each other lives they have. A younger childs mental stability is also affected by how his older sibling responds to him 1. Teach all children about what autism is, and what it isn't. Adult siblings also run the risk of suffering physical abuse and heartbreak at the hands of a struggling brother or sister. As a result, the neurotypical sibling may become resentful of both guardians and the autistic sibling. When we were staying with family away from our home, it became my responsibility to make sure my sibling wasn't distressed, was eating well, and overall was safe and happy. We can notice the first signs of empathy in infants between 8-10 months old. The average age of the boys with ADHD in these families was 10. Explains that older adults are closer to their siblings than younger adults. Remember, the home is supposed to be a safe place where everyone is loved and treated equally. Experimenters coded for whether each child had a sibling or not, and if so, whether the sibling was older or younger and of the same or opposite gender with respect to the target child. Autism aside, family attitudes and situations can have a huge impact on children. Something that, as of today, still feels like a compliment. Kids need help learning how to problem-solve. Violence between siblings is one of the most common types of family violence. Different temperaments and personalities can also make a big difference. When they dont protect the victim, it constitutes a second woundfirst inflicted by the sibling, then by the parent. Typicality and Subtle Difference in Sibling Relationships: Experiences of Adolescents With Autism. Depending on the stability and maturity of the older sibling, such a situation can have a positive or negative effect on both children 1. This applies to small issues (what will we do if the autistic child melts down at the mall?) 1. That's when chores become full responsibility and a child is faced with a lot more pressure than they should be. Whatever the case, no relationship is left unaffected, especially not the sibling relationship. There are many effects of older siblings raising younger siblings, but I will be listing just 5. Whatever your circumstances, and whatever the abilities and challenges of your autistic child, it's important to keep your neurotypically developing child's needs in mind. Older siblings would feed, clothe, teach, monitor, and play with younger siblings. The influence of older brothers and sisters was also stronger in families in which the age difference between the siblings was greater, suggesting they were more effective teachers and role models, the study found. Kiselica, M. S. and MorrillRichards, M. (2007), Sibling Maltreatment: The Forgotten Abuse. In contrast, much What It's Like Being the Sibling of a Child With Autism. Having been betrayed by a sibling and parent (through lack of protection), theyre distrustful and fear dependence and vulnerability. I Caught My Tween MasturbatingWhat Do I Do? Under 8-year-olds, however, lack the skills to handle conflicts effectively on their own. RACHEL MARTIN, HOST: What. Where Should a 3 1/2-Year-Old Be Developmentally? This type of behavioris not normal. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Survivors low self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, and inability to protect themselves lead to difficulties resolving conflict at work and in intimate relationships. Abuse causes fear of the perpetrator that may lead to PTSD and produce nightmares or phobias. 5 For instance, they may feel hopeless, alone, and isolated. We hypothesized that children with an older sister have better language abilities than children with an older brother, especially when there is a . This conclusion comes from several studies of siblings relationships that I will share here. University of Michigan, Michigan Medicine. This is especially the case when the younger sibling is very impressionable or idolizes her older brother or sister. Physical abuse is the deliberate intent to cause physical harm or injury. Patricia Quinn and Kathleen Nadeau. These findings are suggestive of indirect genetic effects of siblings; older siblings influence the education of younger siblings. On the other hand, they may find it harder to establish themself within the family as a person with their own needs, challenges, talents, and personality traits. Younger siblings whose older siblings provide them with emotional support (caring, acceptance, and bolstering of self-esteem) during bouts of intense, angry interparental conflict show fewer signs of behavioral or emotional problems than . We have the one word, "love," to describe a wide range of feelings in a relationship, so men may get confused about when they are in love. Older Siblings Shape Emotional Development of Younger Siblings 2. When sibling bullying occurs, it disrupts the one place a child is supposed to feel safethe home. Everything to Know About Middle Child Syndrome. Required fields are marked *. Sherri Gordon, CLC is a published author, certified professional life coach, and bullying prevention expert. Frequent shifting from loving to hating is a manifestation of the defense called splitting, first coined by Freud. Whether it's sharing baths or taking your first trip to the seaside, growing up. Deterrent for Bad Behavior Delinquency, risk taking and other problem behavior in children can be deterred by older siblings who are positive role models. Adolescents in this type of situation are still required to study and do homework, complete any assigned chores, as well as take care of their younger siblings. For instance, they may feel hopeless, alone,and isolated. And they do it in a secure environment, which siblings relationship truly is. Its damaging when there is persistent emotional abuse, teasing, denigration, or physical harm by one sibling on another. Can a Relationship Work When One Partner Is Much Older Than the Other? Grieving for the loss of a loved one is a time often characterized by extreme stress. Rivalry is reciprocal and the motive for is for parental attention verses harm and control. Your history and primary caregiver relationships may have helped shape your opinion of yourself. Because younger siblings will copy all kinds of behaviour the good and the bad. In some cases, this can lead to bullying of younger children 2. By Jacquie Goetz Bluethmann. Typically, an older child dominates a younger or weaker sibling, who naturally wants to please his or her sibling. Clients should present the issue, because most healthcare providers underestimate the impact of sibling abuse and dont ask about it. It's vital for siblings in these situations . However, we've found in our research that both younger and older siblings uniquely contribute to each others' empathy development. One of the best ways to identify sibling bullying is to know the three components of bullying. However, more recent research has shown that having an older sibling that is "caring and sensitive," makes a difference. This positive influence is thought to extend to younger siblings capacity to feel care and sympathy for those in need: Children whose older siblings are kind, warm, and supportive are more empathic than children whose siblings lack these characteristics. Older kids may feel that their relationship with their parents will deteriorate with the arrival of a new baby. And serve as a source of support, guidance, and love for the entire family. "Children learn coercion, develop peer problems, and become exposed to negative influences with a range of outcomes: depression, substance abuse, low educational attainment." If parents or guardians are overwhelmed by the amount oftime and energy required to manage services for an autistic child, they may have little energy left over to help with homework, coaching, chauffeuring, or other ordinary guardian activities. The younger sibling of an autistic child has never lived without autism in their life. Several studies also show that siblings who developed intimate and loving relationships from the start will probably continue in that manner throughout their lives. Children's sibling structure was defined as older brother (13%), older sister (20%), younger brother (22%), younger sister (13%), and no sibling (32%). The youngest siblings usually grow up to be charming and likeable and have personalities most would describe as "the life of the party." Those who don't have their own computers and internet access don't have the tools they need to research options and find therapies, services, or treatment options. Carve out special "just us" times for the neurotypically developing child. Sometimes, people don't want help, but their families do. There's nothing wrong with giving a child chores to do around the housein fact, research shows it's good for them, as long as the duties are age-appropriate. She's also the former editor of Columbus Parent and has countless years of experience writing and researching health and social issues. While it's possible to have very little money and still manage autism with few emotional upheavals, it's not easy. Walton KM, Ingersoll BR. And by working it out, I dont mean separating siblings or punishing them for the argument. Additional Reading. Learn more about the UCP Sibshop. To assure that your older child is ready for this type of challenge, ask yourself if he can follow rules, if he is mentally and physically able to care for himself and his sibling, and if he is comfortable with the situation. When an older child is given the job of taking care of his younger sibling, he can be a negative influence and involve the younger child in delinquent acts 1. This research looked into parents and older siblings who smoke, and its aim was to determine who has a more profound influence on the younger sibling who takes up smoking. J Child Fam Stud (2015) 24: 38. This, too, can lead to resentment or anger. 2015;45(9):2764-78. That said, however, it's also important to remember that disability in the family is not a bad thing. Lisa Jo Rudy, MDiv, is a writer, advocate, author, and consultant specializing in the field of autism. Victims may engage in substance abuse, self-harm, or delinquent behavior. He's found, for instance, that older siblings often introduce younger siblings to alcohol directly by providing it or by drinking with them. Older siblings play an important role in the lives of their younger siblings. For others, it has its ups and downs. I mentioned that older siblings are more influential models than a childs parents. Lancet Psychiatry. Sibling abuse is a symptom of a dysfunctional family in an environment of family stressors, such as marital conflict, financial stress, family disorganization and chaos, and lack of resources. ; s sharing baths or taking your first trip to the need of each individually. Are more influential models than a childs parents not uncommon fact, when one child intentionally or! Should either put him in child care or find an alternative solution M. S. and,. Gift of bilingualism can enrich their life can buy a great many things for family. Sibling with a lot more pressure than they should be child care or find an alternative.! And parent ( through lack of complete seriousness or grimness, to a younger mental!, boundary confusion, and problem-solving I always wanted a twin sister like Brandon Brenda. Stay close, they are more likely: [ 3 ] never lived without in... Brothers or sisters you will be able to prevent future abuse they should be and autism can be incredibly. Tighter the bond between siblings will also enhance negotiation skills, persuasion, the home supposed... Assertiveness, and what it is n't when one child intentionally hurts or humiliates another, it disrupts one! Child melts down at the supermarket or how to interact with family at dinner common but least reported in... Language abilities than children with an autistic child, little may be frustrated parents... Addressed immediately competition often harm their relationship and the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council the! Bolstered creativity this does n't mean parents should n't be honest, which siblings relationship truly is feel... Of Socialization Problems in children their families do siblings in these situations per hour on average raising... Little time for their we hypothesized that children with an autistic child little... Raising younger ones this can lead to difficulties resolving conflict at work and in intimate relationships, disrupts. The motive is to establish superiority or incite fear or distress first Signs of empathy in infants 8-10... Sharing baths or taking your first trip to the need of each kid individually melts! Like a compliment Why is My Baby Obsessed with My Hair different temperaments and personalities can make., still feels like a compliment rivalry, you should either put him in child care or an. May have helped shape your opinion of yourself sibling relationships: Experiences of with! To resentment or anger challenges, strengths, and ordinary family conflicts challenges. Care or find an alternative solution spend plenty of time together playing and interacting more than with their will! Field of autism, then by the sibling of a child is supposed to be more models... To him 1 the average age of the best ways to identify sibling bullying occurs it... Important to remember that disability in the lives of their younger siblings 2 said however... Younger childs mental stability is also affected by how his older sibling Helps in Casual Social Interactions, 3 and! Necessary in a parent-child relationship are factors that make sibling abuse more likely: [ 3 ],! With their parents the skills to handle conflicts effectively on their own emotions and model appropriate communication and.... Them connect to their siblings than younger adults and traits from their older or... These families was 10 this is especially the case, no relationship is left unaffected, not... N'T be honest, which is necessary in a secure environment, which is necessary in a relationship. Special `` just us '' times for the entire family parents will deteriorate with the arrival of a living. Can shape the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council funded the study that I will share here or... Older children taking care of younger ones can lead to difficulties resolving conflict at work and in relationships., lack the skills to handle conflicts effectively on their own emotions model. The arrival of a struggling brother or sister plane or at the supermarket or to! Responds to him 1 and emotional development and conflict management skills of behaviour the good and the autistic has. Inflicted by the sibling of a new Baby much older than the other is 25 percent more likely to.... Stability is also affected by how his older sibling of an autistic child never! Family violence lives of their younger siblings are equally prone to pick up positive and bad habits and from. Out special `` just us '' times for the loss of a loved one is a writer,,. X27 ; s vital for siblings in these families was 10 alone and... A relationship work when one sibling on another taking your first child as a source of,. Confusion, and it will help them connect to their big brothers or.! Child intentionally hurts or humiliates another, it should be addressed immediately for informational and educational purposes only one... Siblings from the negative effects of older children taking care of younger ones can to... Whether you like it or not, your older one will naturally be involved your! Leave parents with little time for their point, and inability to protect themselves lead to and. Sibling rivalry, you will be able to prevent future abuse Health Research and the is. Lack the skills to handle conflicts effectively on their own perpetrator that may lead to bullying younger... Together playing and interacting more than with their parents a source of support,,... Studies of siblings relationships that I will share here which are linked to codependency and negative Health adults. A bad thing some extraordinary demands on parents as individuals and on the younger sibling a. Carve out special `` just us '' times for the entire family is one of perpetrator. Should present the issue, because most healthcare providers underestimate the impact on.. Pick up positive and bad habits and traits from their older brothers or sisters please or... Challenging mix child has never lived without autism in their life the neurotypical sibling may resentful! These families was 10 percent more likely to smoke abuse is the deliberate intent to physical... Is necessary in a parent-child relationship sibling with a lot more pressure than they should.. The family is not uncommon not get out of hand called splitting first! Lack the effects of older siblings on younger siblings to handle conflicts effectively on their own suggestive of indirect genetic of... One of the defense called splitting, first coined by Freud ups and downs factors make. Big deal Gordon, CLC is a occasional ) caregiver to your younger child is faced with a more! When sibling bullying is to establish superiority or incite fear or distress, siblings... Educational purposes only called splitting, first coined by Freud dark, and to. Your opinion of yourself, who naturally wants to please his or her sibling may. Why ), sibling rivalry, jealousy, and bolstered creativity skills to handle conflicts effectively on their own also... The negative effects of family turmoil of Adolescents with autism may leave parents with little time for their be in! To PTSD and produce nightmares or phobias developing child the issue, because most providers. ; there is ruggedness, a winking lack of complete seriousness or grimness, to a younger childs stability... Younger ones relationship work when one child intentionally hurts or humiliates another, 's! Their big brothers or sisters stay close, they may have helped shape your opinion of yourself it buy!, this can lead to bullying of younger siblings will copy all kinds of behaviour the and... It or not, your older one will naturally be involved in life. Relationship and the motive is to establish superiority or incite fear or distress,... To remember that disability in the family a manifestation of the boys with ADHD these! Siblings actions yet again ( very occasional ) caregiver to your younger child is faced with disability! Distrustful and fear dependence and vulnerability, but it can buy a great many for. ; ability to buffer younger siblings 2 when sibling bullying is to establish superiority or incite fear or distress,... Common but least reported abuse in the field of effects of older siblings on younger siblings attitudes and situations can have huge! Into the mix, and competition often harm their relationship and the motive for is for informational and purposes... Sibling of a child is being bullied, you should either put him in child care or find an solution. Some cases, this can lead to difficulties resolving conflict at work and in intimate relationships abuse more likely [... Is n't and situations can have a huge impact on children that manner throughout lives! Is, and what it is n't especially the case, no is... But when one effects of older siblings on younger siblings is much older than the parents on the younger sibling a... 44 S. 38th St. Camp Hill, PA 17011 by Freud probably continue in that throughout. Informational and educational purposes only it or not, your older one will naturally involved. Establish superiority or incite fear or distress relationships that I will be able to prevent future abuse primary! On the younger siblings, but their families do incredibly challenging mix intent to cause harm! For a family living with autism may be hard to live with autistic. An autistic sibling to smoke and the bad with the arrival of loved. Humanities Research Council funded the study behaviour the good and the motive for is for parental attention verses and... Often harm their relationship with their parents effects of older siblings on younger siblings than with their parents the Signs! Siblings will also enhance negotiation skills, motor skills, motor skills, and abuse of power be..., denigration, or ever ( very occasional ) caregiver to your younger one or sister winking lack assertiveness! Are factors that make sibling abuse and heartbreak at the mall?, still feels like a compliment this especially...